How to build a relationship with self?
We all share meaningful relationships with other people but nobody has taught us the most important relationship that we need to build in our life and that is relationship with ourself. Does that not sound strange? Well, what is a relationship? It is an exchange between two people. You must be thinking if a relationship is between two people, then how can we have a relationship with ourself? Relationship with ourself means understanding where does our behaviors come from, why do we do what we do, why do we react in a certain way, how do we react and how do we feel. It is basically becoming aware of our self. How do we get to know about people? By asking questions, by observing their words, actions and behaviors, by seeing how do they respond in different situations, by meeting them and spending time with them frequently. Similarly, in order to know ourselves, we need to do the abovementioned things. Being aware is the first step in building a relationship with ourself. Then what’s next? There will be parts of you that you would like or appreciate about yourself and there will be parts that you wouldn’t like at all. It is the same as we meet a person, we get to know them, we like certain things and we do not like certain things about them. The first and the foremost step is to know ourself, only then we will be able to build a relationship with ourself. I believe that every person needs a different treatment. We cannot treat every person in the same manner as everyone’s needs and wants are different. What are our needs and wants? What kind of treatment do we want from ourself? Have we ever questioned this to ourselves? How do I want to be treated by myself? Building a relationship with ourself or with any other person is easy but truly understanding what we want from ourselves and what does the other person truly wants from us is difficult. How can we identify our needs and wants in terms of relationship? Here, I would love to introduce the concept of the 5 love languages. In order to treat ourself in the right manner, we would first need to understand our love language. There are 5 types of love languages:
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmations
- Quality time
We all want all 5 but there are still some languages that we prefer over the other. Identify what is it that you want from yourself? A hug, affirmations, quality time, rewards or self care.
Isn’t is beautiful and interesting? Often times, we spend our whole energy in fixing the relationship without even understanding what the other person wants from us. Identify which language serves you the best and start applying that in your daily life.
Another great way of understanding ourselves is to write journal. Make three coloumns and write situation in first coloumn, reaction in second and your ideal reaction in third. This is a great exercise to be self aware and in building a relationship with yourself. Relationship is all about first understanding and then doing. In simple words, it is about first being aware of yourself and then putting in efforts accordingly. How can I know more about myself? Observe as much as you can. What do you think most of the time, how do you spend your free time, what do you mostly talk about etc. Self awareness is the key to build a healthy relationship with ourselves.